A soldier goes to his commander

A soldier goes to his commander and says:
- Allow to report! Among us are fags!
- What you say you rely on it, soldier?
- Well, the fact that my lipstick is gone! ...

Barbie divorced

A father remembers that his daughter's day. Enter a toy store and asks the clerk:
- How much is the Barbie doll in the window?
- We have: Barbie in gymnastics - euro 19.95, Barbie playing volleyball - euro 19.95, Barbie shopping - euro 19.95, Barbie at the beach - euro 19.95, Barbie dance - euro 19.95, Barbie divorced - 265.95 euro
The man, astonished, ask:
- And why divorced Barbie cost 265.95 euro?
- "Barbie divorced" has: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's rod, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer ...

The blonde and handbrake

A blonde walks quietly, when suddenly, without a driver sees a car that went. Aware of danger, jumps in the car and pull the handbrake. When out, nose to nose with the owner gives a very attractive man.
- Began to walk alone, but I jumped into it and I pulled the handbrake! she says, very proud of her feat.
- I know, because I have been to push the car!

The competition

A rooster held a meeting with the hens. Unpack the box and out of her ostrich egg.
- I do not want to make critical, but it does not hurt to be aware of what is in the state competition!

Used a lotion that delay hair loss!

One fell on the 10th floor. After a while he fell and a tuft of hair. Used a lotion that delay hair loss!

Who will die next year?

Being very meticulous, the English have statistics on how many people can predict who will die next year. On the other hand, however, Sicilians can specify some names

Sec bank

If someone throws a stone at you, throw you in it with a flower. But first, make sure the flower is in the pot!

Pencil and ear

- Do you not know where's my pencil? a clerk asks his colleague.
- Yes, by ear.
- Man, do not complicate my life. After the which ear?

Our company is very obsessed with cleanliness

The owner of a company talking to a young man who looking for work:
-First, our company is very obsessed with cleanliness, says the owner. Have you wiped your feet on the mat before coming here?
-Oh, yes! Of course ....
-Second, the employer continues, we ask our partners honestly. There is no entrance carpet ....

Wife, husband and toilet brush

Wife: "Honey, did you notice? I bought new for the toilet brush."
Husband: "I saw, but still prefer toilet paper."

Dream professions

Joe, Mike, Mary and Tom were talking among themselves about their dream professions.
- I would like to be a lawyer so that I can defend my countrymen, 'said Joe.
- I would like to be parliamentary, so that I can legislate for the benefit of my fellow citizens, 'said Mike.
- I want to be a doctor, to treat the poor fellow, says Mary.
-Tom, what do you want to be?, Asks Joe.
- I want to be a countryman, he replied Tom

3 drunkards

3 drunkards knock at a woman’s door. The woman opens the door and gets surprised! One of the drunkards says: “we helped your husband to get home, but we don’t know which one of us is the husband

A blonde in pharmacy

A blonde in pharmacy:
- Do you have something cheap weight loss?
- Yes, the patch!
- And where to put?
- On the mouth!

Blonde and coffee

A blonde secretary on her first day at work, you need to do
coffee from her colleagues. What never made coffee, goes to
restaurant across the street with a thermos in hand:
- Mr. waiter, enter this coffee thermos 6?
- Yes, lady, get more. - Says the waiter.
- Oh what good's it! I've saved! Take 6 coffee then. two of
sugar, two without and two cappuccinos.

Poker with wife

- How, you play poker at home. wife?
- What to do? It's the only way to recover a portion of my salary.!

Wardrobe renewal

- I definitely need to order some new dresses.
- Well, says the husband, but all your cupboards are full of dresses!
- I know, but all my neighbors saw them.!
- If it would be better to change the neighborhood, would be much cheaper.

The secretary

- Miss, asks chief of secretary, who usually do you on Sunday?
- Nothing, said the secretary.
- Then, I would like to remind you that today is not Sunday.